Going The Distance: How To Deal With A Long Distance Relationship

By Francine Fluetsch on July 24, 2014

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When people hear that I’m in a long distance relationship, they’ll shoot out remarks like “wow that must be hard,” “how do you survive?” or “you’re crazy, I could never do that!”

Being long distance with someone definitely is hard, but it actually has some good qualities as well. You are probably raising your eyebrows right now thinking “how the hell could there be anything good about that?”

As the saying goes: “absence makes the heart grow founder.” Sometimes when you are always around someone, you take the things they do for granted. You can’t help it in some cases. Long distance on the other hand makes it so you anxiously await seeing your significant other, and really appreciate everything they do.

Kamarae Dobson, a third year liberal studies student at CSU San Marcos, was apart from her fiancé for four months, and said their favorite quote was “together forever, never apart. Maybe in distance but never at heart.” Finding little things to keep you going and share with your loved one is definitely a way to make the distance a little smaller.

Nedra Cristobal, a fourth year environmental studies major at Sacramento State, has been dating her boyfriend Casey Weiss, a recent grad from UC Santa Cruz, for two years now, and they have been long distance for half the time.

“Long distance is so extremely hard but it really makes us appreciate each other all that much more,”  Cristobal said. ”We cherish our time together.”

Cristobal even admitted that she used to make fun of people in long distance relationships, which is a natural reaction. Most people can’t fathom the thought of only getting to see their boyfriend or girlfriend once in a while. To this, Cristobal mentioned “we’d rather see each other once in a while than never at all.”

Weiss agreed with her wholeheartedly, adding “while distance can be tough to overcome, I know in my heart that after every time I see her our bond goes stronger.”

Now you may be thinking “how exactly does being apart create this strong bond” and honestly before I was in a long distance, I was kind of confused as well. In order for this bond to happen, both parties need to be fully on board with the long distance thing.

Lindsay Banks, a third year psychology student at UC Santa Cruz, has been dating her boyfriend for five years (and has been long distance for two).

“I’d say if you’re considering getting in a long distance relationship, make sure you are really serious about that person,” Banks said. “Have a strong mental connection and good communication because it will be hard and you have to be on the same page.”

Communication is a big key concept in getting that strong bond. Make time in your day to text, call, FaceTime, Skype, etc, so you can talk to them “in person” so to speak. It will help with the ‘missing them’ factor, since at least you can hear their voice.

Cristobal agreed that daily communication is very important, and said “it helps us stick through the rough times when we’re apart.”

You are also going to have to work harder to keep the relationship. Since you are long distance, you are going to have to deal with conflicts over the phone, since it will be a while until you can see them in person. Getting things resolved, just like in a regular relationship, is key to staying strong.

Lauren Kordonsky, a third year biology student at UC Santa Cruz, said “it is very important that both parties are on the same page about the fact that they want to put work into the relationship without the convenience of being nearby.”

You have to be respectful of one another without trying to limit the other person. This is where trust really has to come into play. If you don’t trust the person with your whole being, the relationship can get rocky.

Since you won’t always be around when they are doing fun things with other people, it is a normal reaction for jealousy to arise, especially when you first go long distance. You have to learn to control this and just know that the person you love would never hurt you, and just stick to it. If they do? Well, then they weren’t worth it anyway.

Cheating is definitely a thing that a lot of people worry about, and is a low blow in a long distance. If it just isn’t working out, let the person know, even though it’s hard, rather than cheat. Being long distance does not suddenly give you a pass to be less faithful just because your significant other isn’t around.

On top of communication, what has really helped me is having a friend who is also long distance. Banks and I are roommates and best friends up in Santa Cruz, and since we are both long distance, we can talk about things together which really helps. We tell each other stories of times with them and can comfort each other when we really miss them. Having someone in the same situation who understands what I’m going through is awesome.

So if you are thinking of going the distance, make sure it is with someone who you truly care about and who respects you, who is willing to only get to see you once in a while but make it count.

And honestly, that first embrace after you haven’t seen each other in a while is probably one of the most amazing things you will ever experience. Getting to be in their arms again makes you feel like you were never apart. And if your relationship can survive long distance, it can survive anything.

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